


Conversations in the Dark

by angelus2hot



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Community: nekid_spike, Gen, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-29 02:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8472733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelus2hot/pseuds/angelus2hot
Summary: Set end of Season 5 before the battle. Spike and Wesley have a conversation.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **Title:** Conversations in the Dark  
>  **Fandom:** Angel the Series  
>  **Characters/Pairing:** Spike, Wesley Wyndham-Pryce  
>  **Rating:** PG-13  
>  **Word Count:** 1,233  
>  **Summary:** Set end of Season 5 before the battle. Spike and Wesley have a conversation.  
>  **A/N:** written for for [Challenge Your Harlot](http://nekid-spike.livejournal.com/5003174.html) at nekid_spike

Spike brought the brown bottle to his lips and took a long draw before he lowered the bottle to glare at Wesley standing in the doorway watching him. “Well? You going to stand there all night and watch or are you planning on joining me?” 

Wesley automatically reached for the light switch as he walked into the room.

“Leave it off.” There was enough moonlight coming through the windows to keep the darkness at bay.

As he made his way to where Spike sat Wesley couldn’t help but think that there were other things he could be doing, other places he could be... He shook his head. But there was no sense in kidding himself. He knew there wasn't anywhere else for him to be. With a soft groan he slumped down on the couch beside the blonde vampire. 

For a long while they sat in silence each lost in their own thoughts as they passed the bottle back and forth between them.

Wesley cleared his throat loudly breaking the silence. "What's the dumbest thing you have ever done?"

“Why ask that?”

“Call it curiosity.” Wesley shrugged and passed the bottle back to Spike. “We don’t know what’ll happen once we start with the... We don’t know how this battle will go and I may not get the chance to ask again.”

_Ah, so that was it. With the upcoming battle fast approaching the ex watcher was trying to keep his mind occupied and not think about his mortality. All right. He’d play. After all it wasn’t as if he had anything better to do._ A small smile crossed Spike's face as he downed another swallow. "I've lived a long time and have done a lot of things. You might want to narrow it down a bit."

Wesley nodded his head in understanding. "I see. Let’s say in the last five years.”

Spike grew quiet. His voice was husky when he finally answered. “I got my soul back.”

Wesley’s eyes widened in shock. Of all the things he thought Spike could have said that wasn’t one of them. _Wasn’t getting his soul back a good thing?_ “Then why did you do it?”

He shrugged his shoulder in what he hoped was a nonchalant manner before he took a long draw from the bottle in his hand. “For a girl. What else?”

“I meant...”

He quickly interrupted. “I know what you meant.” A sigh swept through him before he began to speak. “I did the unspeakable... at least for a vampire. I fell in love with the Slayer. I don’t know how it happened or even when. It wasn’t sudden but in small increments until one day I woke up and there it was. I knew I didn’t deserve her that I was beneath her. But the day came when it happened and we...” At the look on Wesley’s face Spike paused before he continued. “We couldn’t keep our hands off of each other.” He couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face as he remembered what it was like to hold her in his arms and to feel her body trembling beneath his. “But of course it couldn’t last. I was still a monster. I thought if I got my soul back it would change things. That she would... that I could...” He shook his head as if to clear it. “I should’ve known it wouldn’t be that simple.” He grabbed the bottle out of Wesley’s hand. “Once a monster always a monster.” Spike muttered under his breath before he took another drink.

“What’s the smartest thing you have ever done?” Wesley couldn’t resist asking the question in part because he wanted to wipe the sad look off of Spike’s face and partly because he was still curious.

Spike didn’t even have to think about it. “I got my soul back.”

“But you just said...” Wesley turned his head to stare at Spike. “You can’t have it for both questions.” 

“Why not? It’s the truth. Without my soul I wouldn’t know I was capable of unconditional and selfless love. I wasn’t a good man before.” At the look on Wesley’s face he paused. “Don’t give me that look. I know that was an understatement but you said we were keeping it to the last five years. But at least with my soul I’m trying to be a good man. And maybe one day it just might be enough.” Spike passed the bottle to Wesley. “What about you? What's the dumbest thing you've ever done?"

“I didn’t go after Fred sooner.” His voice cracked as he whispered her name.

The blonde vampire nodded his head but didn’t say anything. He had known what Wesley’s answer would be before he had asked the question. 

“From the moment I met her I couldn’t take my eyes off of her I knew she was the... I wanted to go after her when the iron was hot but I was too late in staking my claim, as it were. Instead I watched her fall in love with Gunn. I was in a living hell. Every single look and touch between them burned into my mind until I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing her there with him. It took years of waiting and in that time I did things I’m not proud of, things I’d rather not even think about. I got to have her for such a short... There wasn’t enough time.” Wesley snatched the bottle out of Spike’s hand before he could offer it. He leaned his head back and took a drink. He hoped the alcohol would help chase away the memories or at the very least dull them around the edges so they wouldn’t hurt quite as bad.

At the look of pain on Wesley’s face Spike quickly asked, “What’s the smartest thing you’ve ever done?”

“I didn’t go after Fred sooner.” Wesley’s voice was so low an ordinary human would have had a hard time hearing it but Spike didn’t have any trouble.

Spike’s mouth fell open in shock and he turned to stare at Wesley. “What?” His face was a mask of confusion. What he’d said hadn’t made a lot of sense. He couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Wesley had already had too much to drink. 

“If I had known what it was like to hold her my arms, to love her and have her love me in return for all those years, to have all of those memories of being with her only to loose her to Illy...” The words choked off in his throat. He couldn’t say the name. Despite outward appearances to the contrary he still thought of her as the monster who had killed his Fred. “We didn’t have enough time together but if we had...” Wesley let whatever else he was going to say trail off.

The two of them were just talking it wasn’t a contest on who had been dealt the harshest hand but if it was there wasn’t a doubt in Spike’s mind who would have won. He reached over and grabbed a new bottle from beside the couch. “You win.” Spike whispered as he unscrewed the cap and tossed it to the floor before he handed the bottle to Wesley. “Let’s get drunk.”

“That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day.” Wesley muttered as he brought the bottle to his lips.


End file.
